Explore Options and Tell Your Family
Do you want to be buried or cremated, embalmed, viewed? Where do you want to be buried or scattered? Put your wishes in writing and share them with your likely survivors. If you said you want something “simple” but your survivors aren’t sure what you meant, they may end up spending a lot more than you intended. Or, if you tell them what kind of a funeral you want, without sufficient education, you might burden them with expenses far beyond what you thought it would cost. Put all your important papers in one place, such as the “Before I Go” kit. (Don’t put your wishes in a will or a safe deposit box. They likely won’t be seen until long after other arrangements have been made.)
Shop around
Federal law requires funeral homes to give you prices over the phone and hand you an itemized price list when you start talking about arrangements in person. Shopping around can save thousands of dollars. If you are not using a funeral home for a viewing or service, you don’t need to use a local facility. One in a neighboring town might be half the price.
Buy only what you want
When funeral shopping, take a sensible friend with you — someone who will help you stick to your plans. Some people think that how much they spend is a demonstration of how much they loved the person and may, out of guilt and grief, buy more than intended. Some salespeople may imply that doing anything other than the “traditional” is inappropriate. A unique and personalized memorial observance will be more meaningful to friends and family than one that looks much like every other funeral they’ve attended.
Skip Embalming
Embalming is an invasive procedure that is rarely required by law. While there are situations where it can be useful (for example, a long period between death and viewing), in no state is it required when burial or cremation is planned within two days, and in most states, refrigeration is a viable alternative.
Consider Direct options
Consider Direct Cremation or Immediate (Direct) Burial. Federal law requires that these packages be listed on a funeral home’s price list. For burial, the Direct Burial option is similar to Jewish, Muslim and Bahá’í tradition in that the body is generally buried shortly after death, without embalming or viewing. You can usually add on a graveside service for a reasonable charge as long as you keep things simple. For cremation, you can use any funeral home, even one far from where you live, which may save thousands of dollars. They arrange for the cremation and mail or deliver the ashes to you. An alternative container is included in the package price and there is no need for embalming. Cemetery space for cremated remains is generally less expensive than for a body burial; cremated remains can be kept at home, or buried or scattered elsewhere.
Plan a Memorial service
A memorial service, without the body present, can be scheduled whenever it’s convenient, and without the need for embalming or refrigeration, a fancy casket, or transportation of the body. Private visitation and goodbyes can occur in the home or other place of death, before you even call a funeral director. Have a formal or informal service at a religious institution, home, park, club, or community center, without the need to hire funeral home staff. Again, depending on where you live, you might save a lot of money by using a funeral home in another town.
Consider donation of the body
Some medical schools cover all costs. Cremated remains are generally returned to the family within two years.
Eliminate the vault
Some cemeteries may require a vault, but no state law does. Select a cemetery that doesn’t require one. Green cemeteries will allow burial without a vault, for example. In theory, the “outer burial container” keeps the ground flat and intact under the load of commercial mowing equipment. If required, buy the least expensive option, usually called a “grave liner,” and if you like the idea of returning to nature, ask to have it installed upside down and without a lid. Be sure to shop around; remember that with prices similar to those for caskets, the vault is still just a box-around-a-box, which quickly gets covered by the cemetery lawn.
Buy online or make your own
You can find caskets and kits online for a fraction of the price charged by some funeral homes. Mortuaries are required by law to accept a casket from an outside vendor and cannot charge you a fee for doing so. There are a variety of less expensive caskets available: wood veneer, cardboard printed with wood grain or other patterns, or cloth-covered. Plain cardboard can be especially meaningful when guests, including children, are invited to paint, draw and write personal goodbye messages on it. You can also choose the “minimum container” and cover it with a quilt, flag, or other meaningful material. Don’t buy a “sealer” casket; it’s ineffective and more expensive.
Do it Yourself!
Most people don’t know that in the majority of states, including Massachusetts, an individual, family, community or religious group can handle a death without hiring a funeral director. Families can do everything on their own, or hire a home funeral consultant, death midwife (death doula) or funeral director to assist. The PBS documentary, A Family Undertaking, follows several families who choose this option, and illustrates how extraordinarily moving and therapeutic home viewings and funerals are. See also “Caring for Your Own Dead” (a helpful guide on the website of FCA of Eastern Massachusetts). Both are invaluable resources for anyone choosing this meaningful way to say goodbye.