Explore Options and Tell Your Family
Do you want to be buried or cremated, embalmed, viewed? Where do you want to be buried or scattered? Put your wishes in writing and share them with your likely survivors. If you said you want something “simple” but your survivors aren’t sure what you meant, they may end up spending a lot more than you intended. Or, if you tell them what kind of funeral you want, without knowing how much it will cost, you might burden them with expenses far beyond what you – or they – expected. Put all your important papers in one place, such as the “Before I Go” workbook, and make its location known. Don’t put your wishes in a will or a safe deposit box. They likely won’t be seen until long after other arrangements have been made.
Shop around
Federal law requires funeral homes to give you prices over the phone and hand you an itemized price list when you start talking about arrangements in person. Shopping around can save thousands of dollars. Our Price Comparison Table can help you get started.
Buy only what you want
When funeral shopping, take a sensible friend with you — someone who will help you stick to your plans. Some people think that how much they spend is a demonstration of how much they loved the person and may, out of guilt and grief, buy more than intended. While some salespeople may imply that choosing a full or “conventional” package is best, only you can know what you want. A unique and personalized memorial observance will be more meaningful to friends and family than one that looks much like every other funeral they’ve attended.
Skip Embalming
Many people are unaware that embalming – an invasive and often expensive procedure – is not required by law except in very special circumstances (for example, if a body is being transported out of state). However, the reality is that many funeral homes will not accommodate a viewing unless you agree to embalming. There are exceptions, so it’s best to shop around – simply state your desire and ask if any viable alternatives are available, such as refrigeration or Techni Ice packs.
Consider Direct options
Consider Direct Cremation or Immediate/Direct Burial. Federal law requires that these packages be listed on a funeral home’s price list. For burial, the Immediate Burial option is similar to Jewish, Muslim and Bahá’í tradition in that the body is generally buried shortly after death, without embalming or viewing. You can usually add on a graveside service for a reasonable charge as long as you keep things simple. For cremation, you can use any funeral home, even one far from where you live, which may save you money. They arrange for the cremation and mail or deliver the ashes to you. An alternative container is included in the package price and there is no need for embalming. Cemetery space for cremated remains is generally less expensive than for a body burial; cremated remains can be kept at home, or buried or scattered elsewhere.
Plan a Memorial service
A memorial service, without the body present, can be scheduled whenever it’s convenient, and without the need for embalming or refrigeration, a fancy casket, or transportation of the body. Private visitation and goodbyes can occur in the home or other place of death, before you even call a funeral director. Have a formal or informal service at a religious institution, home, park, club, or community center, without the need to hire funeral home staff.
Consider donation of the body
Some medical schools cover all costs. Please note that pre-registration before death occurs is required by some medical schools. Cremated remains are generally returned to the family within two years. For more information see our Body Donation page.
Eliminate the vault
General price lists include the cost of a grave liner or vault, high ticket items required by most conventional cemeteries but not by any state law. In theory, the “outer burial container” keeps the ground flat and intact under the load of commercial mowing equipment. Check with your cemetery to see if they require one, or choose a green cemetery where vaults aren’t permitted. If a burial container is required, buy the least expensive option, usually called a “grave liner.” Be sure to shop around; remember that with prices similar to those for caskets, the vault is still just a box-around-a-box, which quickly gets covered by the cemetery lawn.
Buy online or make your own
You can find caskets and kits online for a fraction of the price charged by some funeral homes. Funeral homes are required by law to accept a casket from an outside vendor and cannot charge you a fee for doing so. There are a variety of less expensive caskets available: wood veneer, cardboard printed with wood grain or other patterns, or cloth-covered. Plain cardboard can be especially meaningful when guests, including children, are invited to paint, draw and write personal goodbye messages on it. You can also choose the “minimum container” and cover it with a quilt, flag, or other meaningful material. Don’t buy a “sealer” casket; it’s ineffective and more expensive.
Do it Yourself!
Most people don’t know that in almost all states, including Massachusetts, an individual, family, community or religious group can handle a death without hiring a funeral director. Families can do everything on their own, or hire a home funeral consultant, death midwife (death doula) or funeral director to assist. The PBS documentary, A Family Undertaking, follows several families who choose this option, and illustrates how extraordinarily moving and therapeutic home viewings and funerals are. See also “Caring for Your Own Dead” (a helpful guide on the website of FCA of Eastern Massachusetts). Both are invaluable resources for anyone choosing this meaningful way to say goodbye.